June 2004 ~ ISSUE # 9
June 2004 ~ ISSUE # 9 |
Free At LastKey one and two have been unbelievably difficult for me. I have felt ashamed about who I am, food and my appearance all my life. I have had a very difficult life with much physical, emotional and sexual abuse. And then there were the grievous losses. I am the person they write stories about and put on television shows.It has been an inspiring time fraught with emotional pain, depression, anger, frustration, powerlessness, helplessness, confusion these last months as I have tried to master key one and two without using food to cope. The other keys were relatively easy for me. However, I have not ever given up despite wanting to! There was that little voice inside me that said someone that is as strong as me does not surrender easily. I see surrender as a good thing and so did not try to make myself feel better by stuffing my feelings. I just let myself have them in all their messiness. I guess some might call it acceptance. It seems to me that in order for new behaviors, feelings, ideas to have room inside of me some of the old ones have to come out. I know that my feelings are not to be discounted, as they are signals to me. They tell me important things about myself. It is only when I ignore them or stuff them that they cause me problems. And that is what using food does! They never go away but stay on my body, killing me slowly and robbing those I love and who love me of all the joy those relationships can bring. I am so glad I stuck in there and let myself feel them. I have turned a corner! I can see that I do not have to be ashamed of who I am and mistakes I make. I can see that anyone who has had my life would have learned some of these ways of thinking and coping mechanisms too. So, it is not because I am an inherently disgusting person. I learned to think of myself that way as a result of events in my life. Isn't that amazing! I know that my parents never meant to hurt me in such ways. They were so young and so hurt themselves. I love it that I can say that and feel it right now! I do not have to be ashamed! Those who sexually abused me were sick sick men. It wasn't me. My body did not betray me. It was them. I am beginning to feel free. I will never
go on another diet again in any form. I know that by feeling my
feelings of shame, terror, anger, fear, rage, sadness and lonliness, being
honest on the inside and outside, learning new ways of thinking and coping
and just plain letting the shame drop off of me, I am doing what
I need. Food is not the problem and I never want to talk about it again
like it is the problem. It is the symptom. I will eat it but I am
going to eat what I want to eat, not what I think will not make me "fat"
because I am ashamed. I can eat whatever I want! I can trust
myself to do that as long as I keep talking about and dealing with my
feelings and thoughts and actions! I am never going on another
"diet". I have never felt freer! I do not have to punish myself
anymore! I can see the mountain top. It was not long ago I asked
"What's the use"? In the great words of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. "I am free
at last. Thank God Almighty, I am free at
last"! LOCAL TIP:I just wanted to pass on this on about Gold's Gym. My friend and I signed up last week for their special -- 2 people for 2 months for $22. We had our first workout this morning and loved it. Imagine a co-ed gym where you can feel comfortable even if you have 100 pounds to lose! They were awesome and it was lots of fun! Hope this helps those of you who maybe have been contemplating joining a gym, but feel inferior. This was at the South Spokane Gold's and I hope they all give such a good experience.
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Kick the Procrastination Habitby Maria Gracia*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~* I'll get to it -- when I get a chance. You know what that means, don't you? You'll never get to it! Here are 8 simple ways to kick the procrastination habit and start getting things done. 1. BREAK IT DOWN. Seem overwhelming? Don't look at your goals as one big project. Break them down into small parts. Assign a specific deadline (date and time) to each part. 2. WRITE IT DOWN. Make it official by writing your goals (mini and ultimate) on paper. 3. SHOUT IT OUT. Tell people what your goals are. Ask a friend or associate for some ongoing motivation. 4. CONSISTENCY. Establish a regular time each day to work towards your goal. 5. ORGANIZED SURROUNDINGS. Organize your environment, complete with the tools you need, so it is conducive to working efficiently. 6. VISIBLE GOALS. Keep your goals in front of you. Post reminders of your goals and deadlines where you can constantly see them. Post your pending rewards along with them. 7. BUSINESS BEFORE PLEASURE. Make something you normally do and enjoy contingent upon doing the avoided task. For example: I will not go to my favorite lunch spot until I complete Part A of my project. By the way, no fair cheating!! 8. SET PENDING REWARDS. Set rewards for your ultimate goal and mini-goals. You'll constantly have something enjoyable to look forward to. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Related Sources:by Maria Gracia - Get Organized Now! http://www.getorganizednow.com
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